


It Happened On the Way to Dinner

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 09:18:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John drops a bomb on Rodney. Set right after the tag of Be All My Sins Remember‘d.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Happened On the Way to Dinner

*********

 ”I appreciate your terrible sense of humor, but let‘s not talk about Colonel Ellis.” Rodney sniffed. “I want to be able to digest my food.”

John shrugged, chuckling. “Talk about Fran instead?”

Rodney sighed sadly. That had been awful, in a good way. “I‘ll miss her.”

“You said she was nothing but a machine.” John was slightly ahead and turned the corner first. Rodney hurried two steps to be even with him again.

“She was a great program, and you should‘ve seen how upset I was when my favorite laptop-” Rodney waved his hand. “Never mind, the memory is too painful.”

With a snort, John rolled his eyes, and Rodney slid ahead of him in line for food. He was hungry. It had been the craziest day in memory – recent memory. Suddenly John put his hand on Rodney‘s shoulder, and that was so surprising that Rodney turned around fast.

“What?”

John tugged him a short distance from the line – this had better be good – and lowered his head. “I didn‘t want you to hear from someone else.” He swallowed hard and licked his lips. “Teyla is pregnant.”

Bright lights went off in Rodney‘s brain. Red and green were dominant, and he swore he could hear incoherent growling, but that couldn‘t be real. In the far distance, John was saying something about how it wasn‘t Ronon, which of course it wasn‘t, and then everything snapped.

It was all too damn much.

From that first blow, it was all a blur, but certain moments made complete sense. John collapsed on the floor, that bald Marine – the one built like a Mack truck – headed straight for him, people yelling, and then abruptly, as if space time had collapsed and spit him out, he was flat on the floor in the brig, staring at the ceiling.

It still sorta smelled like Wraith. People and images flashed through his grey matter over and over to the rhythm of the throbbing in his guts. That had hurt, but the pain wasn‘t enough to banish the words that had embedded themselves in his brain, and they glowed red.

_John had gotten Teyla pregnant._

_********_

“You were unconscious when we got there. That means you have a concussion.” Keller was somewhere between nice and insisting. “You‘re not leaving.”

“But-”

“Colonel, you‘re here until Dr. Keller releases you.” Carter appeared at John‘s left side. “Do I need to put a detail by your bed?”

“But Rodney-”

“McKay is in the brig, cooling down. I would‘ve put him in his room but he has access to technology there, and he might‘ve nuked us all.” Carter didn‘t look as if she were joking. “When he stops muttering and looking homicidal, I‘ll speak to him.” She paused. “Before you do.”

“You don‘t understand.” John saw her frown deeply. “It‘s a misunderstanding. That‘s all.”

Carter looked at Keller. “Before you release him, contact me.” She touched her earpiece. “I need a security detail in the infirmary.” She sighed heavily. John mustered up a tiny glare, but he didn‘t put his heart in it. His jaw hurt too badly.

“I‘ll stay,” he grumbled. “Can I have an ice pack?” The words were slurry as it hurt to open his mouth. Keller left for a moment and then returned with it. He pressed it to his jaw very gingerly. “Ow.”

“It‘s not cracked.” Keller smiled. “Who knew McKay could pack such a punch?”

“I‘ve known Rodney longer than any of you.” She narrowed her eyes at John. “I‘ve never seen him so angry, and I was there when he was sent to Russia.”

John didn‘t like her very much in that moment.

“But then, he didn‘t know you then.” She stepped closer to Keller. “Thank you, doctor.” On that note, she hurried from the infirmary. John lay back and tried not to groan and moan. This was all a huge mistake. He wasn‘t the smartest pilot on deck, but it was painfully obvious that Rodney thought Teyla‘s baby was his fault. John‘s fault. John‘s baby. He was sure it wasn‘t. Very sure. Completely sure. That thought led to wondering who was, and then he realized he hadn‘t even congratulated her. If she was happy. She certainly hadn‘t looked happy lately.

Of course, she‘d been puking a lot. She‘d lied to him. By omission didn‘t make it any easier to swallow. He‘d thought they were close as two people who weren‘t having sex could be.

“Just rest, Colonel.” Keller patted him on the arm, interrupting his thoughts. He didn‘t nod, but she left anyway. By the time the ice pack was warm, Ronon was standing by the bed. He had a tiny smirk on his face.

“McKay kicked your ass.”

Rotating his jaw, he was inclined to agree. “Did you teach him to do that?”

“Guess so.” Ronon looked pleased for a moment.

“Go see him, will ya?” John struggled to sit up and made it by pulling harder. The room spun around twice and then settled. “Just tell him that he‘s wrong. He‘s wrong.”

“Carter said no one can see him.” Ronon shrugged in his way. “I‘m thinking about doing what she says.”

“Crap,” John grumbled. Ronon would pick now to get all obedient.

Ronon smiled big. “If I were you, I‘d hide from Teyla too.”

“Great.” John tossed him the ice pack. “Keller! I gotta get out of here!”

Keller appeared as if by magic, gave Ronon a smile, and shook her head. “Ronon, the colonel needs to stay. Can you help convince him?”

“Sure.” Ronon‘s grin was totally for her. “Teyla wants a whack at him next.”

“Why?” Keller tilted her head.

Groaning loudly, John got her attention. “More ice?”

Keller took the old one from Ronon in a manuever that let their hands linger. John groaned again but this time from nausea brought on from outrageous flirting. She wandered off with Ronon right behind like a sheepdog of some sort, and John gave up on getting out of here. He was stuck. Hopefully, Rodney would come to his senses on his own. It was possible.

“Crap.”

*********

Tired of staring at the ceiling, Rodney rolled to his side and stared at the wall. “Death is too good for him. I‘m going to make him suffer!” He rubbed his stomach, hoping no organs had burst.

“Dr. McKay?”

Rodney realized how far gone he was that he hadn‘t even noticed the force field being lowered. He got an arm under him and pushed up. “What?” he bellowed.

She flinched but knelt down next to him. “Are you injured?”

“Does the overwhelming pain count?” He couldn‘t seem to stop yelling, even though he really did like her.

“Yes.” Keller‘s examination was quick but painful. “Ice pack for your hand, but nothing‘s broken, and I‘m sure you‘re fine. May have a bruise.”

Screaming at her was all too easy, and he wouldn‘t do it. It wasn‘t her he wanted to yell at and pummel. He yanked his shirt down. “When you see Sheppard, you tell him that I‘ve just started kicking his ass!”

“Okay,” she drawled out the word. She handed him the ice pack. “Rest. I‘m sure Colonel Carter will talk to you soon.”

Crawling to the corner, he put his head in his hands and squeezed. He was screwed. By now everyone in Atlantis knew he was in the brig. Chances were good they were all cheering and sending flowers to John and Teyla to congratulate them, and it wouldn‘t be long before someone leaned against the wrong console and the city sank, or blew up, spectacularly. In the end, the SGC would blame him.

Listing all the ways he was going to make John suffer was the act of petty, small man. He enjoyed every minute of it. Saying the list aloud made him look like a crazy man, and he didn‘t care one damn bit. It wasn‘t as if he were actually going to be on Atlantis much longer. John and Teyla would get married, and there was no way in hell Rodney was sticking around for that. He‘d rather work at Area 51, and that was the suckiest place on Earth.

********

“You asked to see me?”

John hadn‘t but Ronon had taken matters in his own ham-sized hands. “Teyla!” He knew it wasn‘t the smartest thing to say. He‘d been mostly asleep. She looked tired, and now that he was staring, her little bulge was obvious.

She frowned, and he searched desperately for something to say. “Are you happy?” spilled out, and he hoped she didn‘t hit him.

“No, I am not.” Teyla met his eyes firmly. “My baby‘s father is missing, I am restricted from gate travel, and my team has unraveled into pieces.”

He could wish for a little less honesty. “All that stuff is bad – Rodney did hit me first – but I meant about the baby. Are you glad?”

Now she smiled a little. “Of course. It is a gift from the Ancestors.”

“Good,” he said with relief. “I thought, since you didn‘t tell us, maybe you didn‘t want it.” The last two words in the sentence were barely audible because Teyla‘s eyes had begun flashing.

She glared. “Dr. Keller informed me that some women kill their children.” No sugar coating there. “But I would never consider such a thing!”

“‘Course not.” John hoped she didn‘t hit him in the face. “I put you, and the baby, in danger. If something had happened, I would-”

“It would‘ve been my responsibility, not yours.” Teyla looked so fierce. “It is my child. I am perfectly capable of saying no.”

He wasn‘t sure she was when lives were at stake, but he let it slide. “The baby‘s okay, right?”

“Yes.” Teyla abruptly sat on the edge of John‘s hospital bed. “I was very relieved. You were right to be angry. I should‘ve told you.”

This was a great time for some diplomacy, but he was never good at that stuff. “You should have, but I should‘ve been nicer about it.” He put his hand on hers. “Congratulations, Teyla.”

“Thank you, John.” Her smile was nice to see. “Next time, I will inform you immediately.”

“Wait!” John sat up, alarmed. “Next time? I‘m not ready for this time!”

Teyla laughed. She‘d been messing with him. Well, he had his own bombshell to drop. “Listen, Rodney thinks you and me, well, that we, um.” He took a deep breath. “He slugged me because he thought the baby was mine.”

“What?” She stood abruptly. “Is this a joke?”

“Oh, hurt a man when he‘s down.” John leaned back and cradled his face. Smiling hurt, talking hurt, hell, being awake hurt. “I told him. He punched the hell out of me. Several times I might add, and I‘m very sure he took what I said the wrong way.”

“You‘re sure?”

“He said some very ugly things.” John remembered Rodney yelling at him too clearly.

Teyla sat down again and brushed John‘s hair back off his forehead. “This is unfortunate.”

John almost leaned into her touch. It was nice that someone didn‘t want to punch him. “I have to go see him. Tell him.”

And Keller was eavesdropping. “Not yet you‘re not.” She started checking things he‘d rather not be touched. “Nauseous?”

“No,” he said instantly, but he was, and he knew what that meant as well as anyone. “Rodney doesn‘t hit all that hard.” He‘d pretend the large lump on his jaw didn‘t exist.

“I think it‘s from where you hit the floor.” Keller probed John‘s head, and John hissed when she found a lump. “It‘s always the fall that gets you.”

“It‘s always great to see their heads bang on the floor.” Ronon‘s smile was pure evil. “Teyla is naming her baby Ronon.”

Teyla rolled her eyes and eased to her feet, stretching her back. “I am sure Rodney will be reasonable later.”

Keller cleared her throat. “I probably shouldn‘t say this, but, well, he‘s really angry. What did you do?”

*********

“Okay, McKay, stop twitching, get on your feet, and explain exactly what the hell you were thinking!”

Rodney really wanted to sulk in the corner like a small boy whose favorite laptop had been broken. His stomach also hurt, but he thought that was from food deprivation more than anything. Shifting, he decided it was the huge bruise from some stupid Marine‘s fist.

“McKay,” Carter said in that threatening way of hers. “You‘re not getting out of here until we talk.”

“And what makes you think I want out?” Rodney leaned back and put on his most insolent prisoner face. He‘d had plenty of practice in this galaxy.

“Are you high on some sort of Ancient technology?” Carter put her fists on her hips. “I am really not in the mood for your drama.”

“Oh, make this all about you,” Rodney drawled, glad they were so over. He tried to get up, winced, and decided to stay down. “Blue Eyes, why don‘t you expedite the paperwork on this and get that transfer rolling?”

“That is if Colonel Sheppard doesn‘t press charges.” She was mad now. Her eyes swept up and down Rodney‘s body, and he almost flushed. She pressed her comm. “Dr. Keller, I‘m having McKay brought to you. I want him checked for drugs.”

Laughing was totally not the correct response. One milli-second later, he realized that was where John would be. “I am totally going to kick his ass,” he said, and he saw from the look on her face that she was certain it was drugs now.

He made the goons lift him up. It was their own fault for beating him. He saw their wary looks – first time for that – and it almost made him smile. Finally, a tiny bit of respect. He was going to tell Ronon about this.

“Technically, you‘re still under arrest,” Carter said. “Stun him if he gives you any trouble.”

“Love you too!” Rodney shouted over his shoulder. He wrenched away from them and walked on his own power. If he were lucky, he‘d get a chance to kick John‘s gurney.

********

John heard him. Everyone on Atlantis had to have heard him.

“Where is he?” Rodney thundered. “No, do not point those guns at me!”

Ronon and Teyla were gone, and the recently acquired IV pinned John to the bed. Keller had pulled the sheet around him to give him some privacy, and now, he knew why.

“Did you release him?”

“Rodney, get on the scanner.” Keller‘s voice was calm, but John heard a trace of doubt.

“Not until you tell me where the bastard is!”

John wanted to sink through the floor. He and Rodney had had a few arguments over the years, mostly over nanites, but this level of angry made him want to find a foxhole.

“Dr. McKay!”

“Sheppard! If you‘re in here, I will get you! You better start running now!”

There was the whine of a stunner, and John started breathing again. As soon as Rodney woke up, they were fixing this, no matter what Keller or Carter said. It was ridiculous. Embarrassing, and slightly scary. Had Rodney been like this when he was hopped up on Wraith enzyme? Carson had mentioned that it was bad.

“He‘s okay,” Keller said softly. “They caught him before he busted his head open.”

“That‘s a relief.” John pointed at her. “When he‘s awake, we‘re going to talk, and you‘re going to stand aside.”

She looked as if she wanted to agree, but she didn‘t, and she ducked away. John settled down to wait. He would bet a month‘s pay that somewhere they were setting up a pool, choosing dates on when exactly Rodney would kill him.

*********

“Yes! Ow!” He wanted to bat at her hands, but his hand hurt, so he skipped it.

Keller brushed a strand of loose hair back. “I understand now the notes Dr. Beckett left on dosages of morphine for you.”

Rodney hated that his eyes almost teared up. If Carson were here, things would be better. Sure, John would still be the biggest jerk in the galaxy, but there‘d be someone who actually cared. He shoved the emotion away ruthlessly. Breaking down never did any good.

“Here‘s a painkiller.” Keller held it out. “I would really like you to rest.”

He took it quickly. “I knew my internal organs were damaged.”

“You‘ll be fine.” Keller seemed to almost creep away. He stared at his splinted hand – cracked knuckle – and slowly a thought wiggled its way to the surface. He‘d cracked his hand on John‘s face, and whereas Ronon would no doubt be proud of that accomplishment, it wasn‘t something he found the least bit cool. He shifted, wincing slightly, and considered sneaking to his quarters. It wasn‘t as if he were being kept here for his injuries. Slowly, he eased off the gurney, took two steps, and was face-to-face with a stunner. He raised his hands and went back to bed.

“Damn,” he muttered. He sank back down with nothing but his thoughts. He‘d hit John. Hard. Sure, the son-of-a-bitch had deserved it, but it still seemed wrong somehow. John hadn‘t denied it. He‘d been rambling about Ronon. Rodney had known that John would-

“Next time, clench your fist harder.” Ronon startled Rodney out of his thoughts.

Rodney winced at the idea. “It hurt!”

Ronon sighed. “Your hand was too loose. We‘ll work on it.”

“Um, no?” He saw from Ronon‘s face that no wasn‘t going to work.

“I‘ll hold him, you can hit him.” Ronon looked mean, but Rodney didn‘t believe him. John and Ronon were like brothers.

“I thought you might be mad at me,” Rodney mumbled. He‘d been furious for hours, but it was draining away. It was probably the painkiller.

Shaking his hairy head, Ronon crossed his arms. “You were mad. You hit him. What‘s the problem?”

“Yes, it does sound more reasonable when you say it that way.” His eyes started to droop. “I got a bruised kidney. Stupid Marines hit hard.” He yawned. “Teyla okay?”

“She‘s good.” Ronon grinned. “I hope it‘s a boy.”

“It‘ll be great. John Ronon Emmagan.” He heard Ronon‘s laugh, but he fell asleep before he could find something insulting to say.

********

He was snoring. John could hear him. No one else could, but John could. It was unmistakeable, and it rattled up his spine.

“How are you feeling, Colonel?”

“Pretty good.” John held up his hand. “This is unnecessary.”

“I know. I just didn‘t want you leaving the bed.” Keller smiled and began the process of removing it. He didn‘t bother to watch. He listened. She put a bandaid on his arm. “Of course, it didn‘t hurt. You should drink more water. Electrolytes and all that.”

“You sound like Rodney.” John sat up more fully and stretched. “He‘s okay?”

“Cracked knuckle and a bruised kidney, but he‘s fine. No drugs in his system.”

John wished his mouth hadn‘t dropped open. “Of course not! He was mad! At me!”

“Colonel Carter asked me to do it.” Keller reached. “May I?”

He lowered his head and let her poke around. It hurt – not much. “This has done nothing for my street cred. First, I get beat up by a nerd, and then, instead of rubbing dirt on it, I‘m here all day!”

“Dr. McKay is on your team. I‘d expect him to be good in a fight.” She smiled, but it faded quickly. “Seriously though, I want you to review your policies on subduing our own people.”

“They were rough on him?” John wasn‘t sure they had a policy, and did other people think Rodney was good in a fight?

She nodded. “I think so, yes.”

Measuring his words, he threw off the blanket. “I‘ll speak to them.” He would, and they might run a few simulations. “They stunned him?”

“Um, no.” Keller steadied him when his feet hit the floor. He heard his back crack. She pointed out his boots, tucked under the gurney. “Head spinning?”

“Nah.” But John wasn‘t sure he was ready to lean over and get his boots. It could wait a minute. He sat back down and took a deep breath. “I think I‘ll sit here a minute. Um, were you planning on calling Colonel Carter?”

“She asked me to.”

“But I‘m not gone yet.” He smiled for her. “It can wait, right?”

“Right.” She looked pointedly in the direction of Rodney. “No more fighting.”

“I promise.” John hoped he could keep it. He checked his watch and was surprised that it was after dinner. He‘d been in here for hours, dozing and putting up with examinations. Anger that Rodney had spent a good six to eight hours in the brig dug at him. Slowly, he stood up again, and carefully, he padded towards Rodney‘s private room. The door was open, and he came face-to-face with Corporal Wallace.

“Sir?”

“Take up a position outside the infirmary.” John put his will into it.

Wallace hesitated, looked at Rodney, and then nodded. “Yes, sir.” He shut the door quietly, and John listened. Rodney was awake but groggy.

“What?” Rodney mumbled.

John took a good look at the splinted hand before going to him. “It‘s okay,” he said softly. He stroked his hand across Rodney‘s forehead. “It‘s me.”

Rodney didn‘t open his eyes. “I hate you.”

“I know.” John tugged down the sheet and the blanket and pulled up Rodney‘s T-shirt. He had to look at the damage. “Shit.”

“Hurts.” Rodney was still mumbling. He opened one eye about half the way. “She doped me up, or I‘d so be kickin your ass now.”

Laughing quietly, John eased down onto the bed. “Listen to me, please.”

“No, it‘s okay.” Rodney put his splinted hand on John‘s leg. “I always knew you‘d leave me. I just… just… thought you‘d tell me _before_ you got someone knocked up.” He licked his lips. “I‘m sorry about your face.

“I‘ll go back to Earth. I won‘t bother you two. I promise. I was-” He swallowed. “Furious, but it makes sense, the two of you, and-”

“You‘re being a jackass. I didn‘t, and I don‘t want to, and yes, my face hurts.” John threw caution to the wind and stretched out beside him, arranging body parts so they were both comfortable. “Meredith, listen to me. I‘m not the father. I swear on a stack of Athosian bantos. It‘s that guy she‘s been seeing.”

“Karen? Daren?” Rodney‘s eyes were wide open now, and John touched him gently on the face. “You‘re not? You didn‘t? We‘re not breaking up?”

“No. No. And yes, but I think it‘s Kanan.” John nuzzled Rodney‘s jaw. “I have to break up with you. You punch harder than I do.”

Rodney flicked John‘s ear and then managed to hold him a little tighter. “I‘m sorry. I sorta lost my mind. It‘s bad enough you and that Wraith are brothers, and then, I heard baby, and I-”

“Lost it.” John understood. He didn‘t ever want it to happen again, but it made sense. “He‘s Wraith, not my brother.”

“Tell him that.” Rodney‘s eyes drifted shut as their lips met. “It‘s okay. I like him. In that, he might eat me kind of way.”

John tried not to wince, and they were through kissing until his jaw healed. “Go to sleep.”

“Sorry,” Rodney whispered. “I don‘t blame you for breaking up with me now.”

Burrowing closer, he stole some of the covers. “McKay, shut up.”

*********

When the door moved, Rodney felt John leave the bed. He‘d been awake for a few minutes, enjoying the simple warmth of John pressed into him and trying not to think about how big of an ass he‘d been. If John ever forgave him, it‘d be a miracle.

“Colonel.”

“Colonel.”

“Oh, my God, enough with that!” Rodney didn‘t open his eyes until he‘d rubbed them. No reason to rush into what was going to be excruciating.

“So, this is how it‘s going to be?” Carter had her hair pulled back and that tight jacket on when Rodney finally looked at her.

“Team dynamics aren‘t always stable.” John shrugged. “It was a misunderstanding.”

She glared at them one at a time. “He broke his hand on your face!”

Rodney cringed, trying to avoid looking directly at John‘s bruised face. Maybe he could buy John a car. “And I‘m sorry! It‘d been a long day!”

With a frown, she rubbed her forehead and waved her hand at the bed. “All those years wondering about Jack and Daniel, I don‘t have to wonder about you two, huh?”

“I have no idea what you‘re talking about, ma‘am.” John managed that stony look very well. “I suggest you lose the paperwork on this. I‘m not pressing charges, and after all the hours he‘d been up, I‘m giving him some leeway.”

“I see that you are.” Carter turned to face Rodney completely. “Never again, McKay, or I‘ll post you to the midway station and let you be a genius stuck between galaxies!”

There was only one thing to do. He nodded. “Sorry. I lost my mind. It was probably working with that Wraith. He wanted to eat me you know, and then Fran died, and Ellis? He pushed me right to the edge!”

“Rodney, I think that‘s enough.”

He hoped so. He was out of material. She sighed in a very dramatic way that was uncalled for. “Okay, I‘ll take care of this. McKay, get professional help, please. Colonel, I suggest you brush up on your hand-to-hand combat. Maybe Ronon can give you some pointers.”

“Yes, ma‘am.” John groaned, and Rodney knew bruises and sore muscles were in their future.

“John, you want me to buy you a car?” Rodney couldn‘t see her at all for a moment. “A nice red one? Something fast?”

John actually smiled. “No, but I have a jumper that‘s broken down.”

“I‘m sure Zelenka…” Rodney trailed off when he saw John‘s expression change. “Um, yeah, I‘ll fix it.”

“Are we interrupting?” Teyla asked from the doorway, and Rodney breathed out a sigh of relief.

Carter smiled. “I‘m just leaving, and McKay, I was sure you were lying when you said you were seeing someone. Guess not.” She smirked up at Ronon. “Make sure the colonel can‘t be taken down by nerds, okay?”

“Hey!” Rodney thought that was going too far. “Ronon taught me everything that Teyla didn‘t!”

She laughed and left, shutting the door behind her. John pressed his forehead into Teyla‘s, and Rodney sat up with a groan. He ached, but he was getting out of here. Food, more food, and a jumper to fix.

“Congratulations, Teyla.” Rodney smiled, so glad John wasn‘t the father. “Boy or girl?”

“A child.” Teyla extended her hands and helped him from the bed. “Tell me, Rodney, were you fighting for my honor?”

John laughed, and Rodney glared at him.

“Of course I was. Sheppard should‘ve married you first, not that he‘s the father, but if he was the father than he should‘ve.” Rodney kept her hand and kissed it. “We‘ll find them. I promise, and then this Laran guy better be more careful in the future.”

She beamed.

“Um, Rodney? Larrin is the hot Traveler chick. Kanan is Teyla‘s intended.” John rolled his eyes. “Get it right!”

“Whatever, I was close.” Rodney straightened his back, hearing the pops. “Food?” He‘d apologize ten or twenty more times when he finally got John in private. The jumper had potential. “So, Ronon, impressed with my punching?”

Ronon tapped him on the hand. “No.”

“Ow! You Neandertal!”

********

the end


End file.
